Learn to LOVE your body

2:42 PM

I love working out. It has become a bit of an addiction. I like moving my body, seeing it change, seeing myself get stronger. I actually love feeling that soreness the next morning that says "You pushed yourself yesterday." Weird, I know.

Part of the reason I like working out is to stay in shape and be strong and all that jazz. I can't deny having a bit of an obsession with my large "Texan Farmer" legs (as my grandma calls hers, and since we have the same leg genes.....). It is an obsession that I am praying to get rid of, praying to learn to love my body even though in the summer time the absence of a thigh gap makes me sweat through two or three pairs of shorts a day. Gross. But that is humid Toulouse where there is no real air conditioning for you! (My friends and I admit to actually going to the one grocery store here that blasts the air conditioning just to cool off sometimes! Remember, we all live in apartments with no air and no backyard. And the parks have very little shade in the city!)

Learning to love our bodies. It seems like a never ending battle. The woman who stands up and says, without flinching, that she loves her body and feels confident in it in every way, shape and form is a woman that I would like to be. I'm not sure there are many of those women in this Western world where we tweet and instagram about thigh gaps and abs constantly. I do love that most trainers, at least all those who I follow, are real about eating and exercising, about what is important, what is attainable, etc. I love that women are showing their photos of being strong and encouraging others to eat healthier and move their bodies to stay fit and strong.

And while I encourage other women I meet with online or in real life, I still catch myself looking at others on the street and comparing myself with them. At what point am I just going to be okay with my own body where I am at the moment? Sometimes it seems futile to try and change myself as I don't see much change while I look at how that woman has two kids and a tiny waist or those women over there whose legs don't touch.....but there is one anecdote, a personal one that always puts things back into perspective and then I realize that there is a reason, a good reason to tap myself on the head and make myself stop comparing:

                 In high school I refused to wear shorts. Back to the legs obsession. Yes, this is going on twenty years now, but back to the story....Two years went by and I didn't wear short. Not even during our trip to Hawaii. I wore a bikini and dresses, but wouldn't wear short. I wasn't comfortable in them. I felt fat in them, basically I hated them. A few years later after I stopped dancing five days a week and was struggling a bit to get my body back to where it used to be I came across some pictures of me in high school and was shocked to see just how thin and shapely I was then. And I cursed myself for not realizing it in the moment. I cursed myself for not just wearing the shorts when it was so dang hot outside. I cursed my stupid girl insecurity that made me wear jeans all summer long and smile claiming that I wasn't hot when I really was all because I thought I was fat when I wasn't.
I'm betting that when I'm 50 I am going to look back on my pictures of me now and will want to slap my 30s self up side the head for not just enjoying my body and learning to be comfortable with it ins

tead of always comparing it to someone who I think looks better than me. And that is why I will keep trying to learn to love my body!

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