No reason for negativity

2:27 PM

I had an epiphany the other day. You could say a light bulb went on in my head (those little buggers start at 7Euro here, BTW, are they that expensive back home??). It was as if all the grey in the world was whisked away by the Toulouse wind. My world got a little brighter. Due to the light bulb, I'm guessing.

   Anyway, I was listening to Joyce Meyers, all intense and set on listening in order to change my life when she said, "There really is no good reason for negativity."

   And I was all.......hmmmmmmm. No good comes from negativity. Is that true? I thought about it for a few more seconds because the light bulb was one of those energy saving bulbs and then I went "Ha!"

  Nothing good comes from negativity.

  Lately Firecracker has been a real handful. I am talking two tantrums a day and even the rain makes her on edge sort of handful. Turning four is tough I guess. As is watching her sister get attention from learning to walk, maybe. And chatterbox (that is the baby), while super cute with her chubby legs walking around (or falling while flailing her legs about, as we like to describe it) is teething and crabby about not being allowed to chew on the tablet. Sometimes I have two yelling and screaming at me at the same time. And sometimes, while it is rather unusual, sometimes Queenie joins them in a holler about not wanting to learn to read or screaming that she will "NEVER, NOT EVER GO TO SLEEP!"

  And then there is the bit about Principe not coming home ever until ten o'clock at night. Every. Single. Week. Day. He leaves at 8:40 and comes back around 10. There are nights he comes home later. But there is rarely a night he comes home earlier. And by earlier I mean he comes home at 8.

  Of course there is also the part about me getting about 8 hours of work done a week that also eats at me. It is incredible how quickly the day goes by. And how tired I am by the end of it. Right now I am sitting between three mountains of laundry. Principe asked me what the hold up was on his ironed shirts. And I still have to make some birthday invitations and party decorations. I will be organized some day even if it kills me.

  And of course there are those pesky things called breakfast, lunch and dinner that crazily enough need to be prepared Every DAY! I know!

  There is quite a bit to be crazed out, stressed and down right negative. I could probably fill every second with a gripe or moan about something. Like the pen marks on the carpet or the fact that Firecracker just can't seem to obey anything these days or that my kitchen floor is sticky. Again. I hate sticky floors.

  But it won't do any good. No good at all.

  I thought about that during the day and then, as I was rushing out the door to get the girls from school I read a text that caught my breath: J* just passed away.

  It was a second before I could compose myself but when I tried to call Principe I couldn't talk. Thankfully I didn't see anyone at school and was able to quickly rush away with my teary eyes unnoticed.
  J* lost his battle to cancer. He fought so long and hard and then lost.

  I was very good friends with him, but we hung out a few times and as our friendship circles intertwined we ended up at two weddings in Europe with J*. He was always so easy going. So happy. Living life how he wanted. Moving from China to Spain back to California. He was the epitome of California. Just really cool.

  And then it hit me again: there is no reason for negativity. No good comes from it. Because, in the end, this is the only life we get, and who wants to live it being negative? Of course there is a time to mourn, I'm not saying that. But that aside when it comes to the daily grind, we should leave each day behind with a smile on our face. Because the one thing we can't get back is yesterday. We can't even get back an hour ago. A second ago. What is the point in spending, wasting really, our time griping and complaining, being mad or frustrated or annoyed. It isn't an easy habit to get out of. Especially when a four year old suddenly decides she needs mom to stand outside the potty door every time she pees now. I have better things to do than give in to her separation anxiety, don't I? Or do I? Because is getting dinner on the table five minutes from now more important than making sure my four year old knows I love her enough to stand outside the potty door while she pees? Probably not. Because we can eat in 6 minutes, too. No?

  The light bulb is still on. And as it is energy saving I expect it to last quite awhile. At least until I have to stop repeating to myself "there is no reason for negativity." But I know one thing: I will change. And I will see everything as positive every single day. And I will not lose more time doing something that will gain me nothing.

The first few seconds of this video show why I have deemed her "Chatterbox". She does this all day long.

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