New Year's Second Word: Love12:56 PM
I am just, in the last few years, figuring out what love really is. I don't know about you but I was never specifically taught. It is such a hard thing to teach and yet people think that it is so intuitive at the same time that they never bother to define it (and those who I have heard define it usually make me cringe at their definition)There are so many contrasts of love and hate in the world and so many wrong ways to look at love. It really isn't an emotion. We may have feelings that go along with it, but it has nothing to do with those feelings really.
To me love = commitment.
The first time I held each of my children I fell in love with them. I am not a very emotional person, something that irritates Principe at times as I m not one to cry out of emotion at a gift etc. I am a very private person and like to keep my feelings and emotions to myself. Believe it or not I don't need too much physical attention ad actually have to remind myself that while I may not, my children and husband do. I have to remind myself to hug them in the morning That probably sounds strange to some of you and may even sound like I don't love them, but that isn't true.
There are so many times when I FEEL love for my child. I feel pride, cherishing, fondness, tenderness, delight, enchantment. I want to wrap my arms around them and hold them so tight. I want to stay still in that moment and not let it go fleeting away time always does. I sit back and am astonished at how much they have changed my world and how much I would hate it if they left my world. The same goes for my husband. For him I could even add that I feel fervr and yearnng for him.
And then there are the times that I feel nothing but overwhelmed by the day-to-day and the never ending list of things to do and I don't actually feel love. It isn't the first emotion in my body. And when dinner spills everywhere and children scream that they don't want a bath and someone throws something at a sister to hurt them and my husband calls to say he won't be coming home until late there are times that I feel anger or resentment way over anything I could call love.
But I haven't stopped loving them.
I might not feel that emotion at the moment but the love isn't gone. That is why I don't connect true love to emotion. Because emotion is fickle. We humans change our emotions within a split-second.
To me love is a commitment. I am committed to my children for life and my husband for life. I want to see my children succeed and be the best person they can be. That is why they get corrected for not saying please and thank you, that is why we focus on homework and learning throughout the day. That is why they are corrected when they are not nice to each other. That is the reason for a million other things that I do throughout the day. You love your kids, you bathe them. You haul them to dance class. you make them eat right. You say no to that toy because they already have a million. You make them kiss Aunt Martha because it is the right, loving thing to do.
They will understand one day.
As for my husband, the same goes for him. We may disagree or have a tiff here and there, but my commitment to him still stands. Even when he doesn't do things like I want him to or isn't like the super husband someone else says he should be, I am still committed to making my life beside him. I know that there are reasons for divorce, I am not getting into that. I am simply saying that even when perhaps my body is not overwhelmed by the feeling of love, I am going to stay on the track of love.
I will stay out of strife. I will speak nicer to kids and Principe. I will learn to be more patient. I will listen. I will show more physical affection in hugs and kisses. I will smile more. I will stop making a list in my head of the grievances of my day.....
In short: I will love. 2014 will be a year of L-O-V-E.