Missing something

12:30 PM

The oldest girls did a dance workshop today. It was two hours long of contemporary dance. It was two hours in which I was hoping to get some exercise done in also.

Which didn't happen.

So as I met up with the other mom whose daughter went to the same workshop and we made our way to the studio, I was in way expecting what was about to happen. 

We knew that they were going to show us a dance when we arrived. A bit of a treat for us as the door has no window and we are never allowed in to watch during normal dance classes. Dance is taken very seriously here!

The camera was ready, as I wanted to film it for Principe who just seems to be missing out on everything these days, but I didn't really think about what I was about to watch. 

My girls. Dancing. Right? Didn't give it a second thought.

But as the music started and I watched my two girls slowly get up from their child's pose position and start moving around to the rhythm I was awestruck. I watched as they moved and smiled and I was completely moved by it. The two of them had very different reactions: Firecracker (of all people!) was taking it all very seriously. Her face had a smile, but was total concentration in the eyes. When she tripped over Queenie's long scarf she didn't skip a beat, but set her face even more determined and kept going! Queenie was all smiles and a bit overly silly about the whole thing. But she did a great job as well. I thought perhaps her silliness was a way to not be shy as she doesn't normally like to put on a performance at all.

When the teacher started moving around them in basic, but beautiful dance moves I actually almost started crying. 

Not because she was so beautiful but because I suddenly realized just how much I miss dance. I am super happy that my girls love dancing and I think that Firecracker is loving it the most, but my heart aches that I don't get to dance any more. 

I miss the gracefulness of moving to the music, I miss how it feels to let your body go and simply move to the rhythm. I miss pushing my body to turn faster or slower or try a new move. My emotions were so strong that I actually looked around to see if anyone was reading my thoughts.

Of course no one was. They were all busy looking at their kids. 

Then the song ended and the girls looked for their applause, which was freely given by us, and the world started again.

But I remember that feeling still. That void that I wish I could fill every once and awhile. 

Perhaps when the baby is older. I will be the middle aged woman dancing out my past years.

And you know what? I won't even care!

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