4000 miles between us

12:11 PM

I never realize how much I miss my family until they come to visit and then leave. In this day and age of Skype and Whatsapp, instant emailing and free international calls I sometimes don't realize how nice it would be to live much closer to them until they come and then leave.

While I have always wanted to live in Europe (and I consider this as living one of my dreams) I never realized what kind of homesickness it would cause me at times. This is especially true each time I have a baby. There is a fundamental difference between living far away from "home"yet still in the same country and living far away from home and living in another continent: you cannot get into your car and drive home.

While the gas may cost you so much that you think twice about doing it these days the truth is that if you got into a jam or were so truly homesick you couldn't stand it anymore, you do have the option to drive home if you still live on the same continent. This is not true when you live on two separate continents. There is no spontaneity to going home. There must be a well thought out plan with passports in tow and plane tickets bought.

Firecracker cried today as she realized her Binka was leaving to go to her house with the dog and the kitty and Grandpa who lets her jump from the window ledge to the couch. She begged me to let her go with Binka. When I tried to explain that she couldn't go she begged to go with me to Binka's house. Of course trying to explain to a 3 year old that you are not trying to be mean by not letting her go but that you really cannot let her because of things called luggage and plane tickets and passports, is like teaching a newborn to poo on the potty. It just goes in one ear and out the other.

But as I calmed Firecracker down and waved out the window one last time to my mom with the little pumpkin in my arms and Queenie beside me I tried not to dwell on the prospect of not seeing my mom for 7 more months. It wasn't going to help anything with mommy crying too. In fact, that would probably make Queenie cry also and soon the little one would succumb as well. That is too much emotion for this girl. My ancestors were English for crying out loud. We can't deal with all that sort of thing! Of course the days will go by and my days will be FILLED and soon it will be fall again, then Christmas and then I will again be in the states, but the first few days after my mom leaves it all seems so far away.....

Because you just don't realize how much you could use them being accessible until they come and then leave. How wonderful it must be to be able to pop into your mom's for impromptu tea. Or go shopping on a Sunday morning. Or call at that moment that you need encouragement instead of calculating the time difference and when it would be a good time to call. How wonderful it would be to have their help even every once and awhile. Or not have to pull out photos to go with names because they would just see them all that often that they would remember.....

How wonderful. It seems that some dreams come with strings attached.

Sigh.




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