The week's image

4:59 AM

  I have this image in my head from this week. An image that sums up contentment for me and oozes peace and goodness. I don't have a picture of it, but I wish that I did. It wasn't possible to take a picture in the moment as that moment would have been ruined, but sometimes I wish I could take a memory out of my brain and take a picture of it so that I could remember that feeling, that moment for the rest of my life.

    Every night this week I have gone to bed with contractions, feeling heavy and obviously very tired. Every night I wake up various times due to pain or contractions or with the need to relieve my bladder. Point is that I am not getting rest and am feeling that slight nervousness that comes with knowing that labor is coming, but not having any idea when it will come. I am sure you all remember this....

    But then, one morning, this image filled my head and I felt such peace and joy. It is an image I will probably use while I am in heavy labor, to remind me why exactly I want children in the first place.

   I think it was maybe Wednesday. Firecracker is a bit nervous about the whole "mommy going to the hospital" thing so she keeps coming to our room every morning to make sure we are still here. Sometimes she comes a bit earlier than her clock says she is allowed to come, but we have been a bit lax this week. Instead of sending her back to bed we get up, get a bottle of milk and allow her to spend the last few minutes of the "night" in our bed.

  So I sat in bed waiting for the energy to get up to overcome me when I started listening to the familiar sucking of Firecracker drinking her bottle. I turned my head jut a bit and was greeted with the a mess of curly, light brown hair with a tiny little nose sticking out of said mess. Her eyes were closed as she sucked on her bottle of milk, her small hand caressing her doudou thoughtlessly. She was obviously so comfortable and content in that moment that I lost any thought of my own. Instead I watched her, my head on the pillow, the curls falling into my eyes and mouth giving the entire image a blurry, angelic look.

  Then she fell asleep and turned her back to me. I watched that little spine covered in fuzzy, red pajamas rise and fall; a little girl content to be sleeping between her mommy and papa.

  I love that image and the peace that it exudes in my head. The love that I feel for these little ones, my children, is so immense. They know how to drive me crazy and it even seems like they love doing it at times so it is nice to have these moments that remind me just how much love I have in my heart for this tiny person who just wants to sleep the last few minutes of the night next to me.

   These little kids who trust us with all their heart and soul. Who doesn't want us to leave ever without knowing for a fact that we are coming back. They may like to push our buttons, but their love for us is so clear there is no question about it. And in the first rays of the morning it is nice to be reminded of the pure love we have for them, without the other stuff getting in the way. Curls in my mouth and all!

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