Doing it right

8:15 AM

I am getting down to the lst few weeks of pregnancy, of my LAST pregnancy, and it is all slowly sinking in. With Queenie I went int labor naturally but had a terrible time delivering. They were about to do an emergency c-section when she started to crown. Which was also close after the anesthesiology upped my epi so high that I couldn't feel anything. (at first it only worked on half of my left leg. She was annoyed that I called her back, that I would dare say she did it wrong so she upped the dosage and numbed me everywhere. To the point that it took about six hours for me to be able to move again.) Queenie had a hard time, her heart rate dropped, her oxygen was low and she came out white. I didn't get to see her and she didn't start crying for about two minutes.

Wanting to avoid all of that I induced Firecracker. It was the day after her due date, so I didn't let it go to far, but I was concerned about going into labor naturally and what that would mean for her. I think it is too bad to say that it was a fear-based decision. Everything went fine and all but I absolutely HATE being on that stupid monitor like a prisoner. I couldn't move around like I wanted and although I didn't end up with the epidural, I still wasn't able to push very well from the bed.

Now that I am getting closer with this one I am trying to make up my mind about what the "right" thing to do is. I honestly think this is totally personal and everyone has their own idea of what is right. Besides the fact that we can't all have childbirth exactly as we envision the perfect childbirth to be, everyone has their comfort level and medical history to deal with. I am not with the camp that natural childbirth is for everyone. First of all, not everyone can afford a midwife and all the equipment that goes with giving birth at home. I don't know how it works in the States, but here in France home birth is not covered by anyone. Not that we have room for it either, because seriously, where are you going to put a tub in a downtown apartment? And the bathtub is barely big enough for a five and two year old, so that isn't going to work either. And then you have the poor neighbors listening to you scream. the whole situation is a bit awkward. Plus, we don't have the money

Plus, with Queenie's history, I am not willing to do it. That is not fear based as I am not afraid this time, but I just think it is good sense. Feel free to disagree.

So, here I sit thinking. What do I want to do? This time I know I would prefer not to induce. I don't want to wear that stupid monitor. I want to start labor naturally. And while labor and pushing hurts like a ***** I don't really WANT the epidural. I understand the greatness of it and all, but I loved being able to feel my legs immediately after giving birth. Of course that has to do with my first experience and I guess that if I get a doc who does the epidural right this time that won't necessarily happen, but in my mind that experience is still there.

That is a good start, no? Except that Principe is going to freak out when I tell him I don't want the epi again. He was ghost white watching me scream last time. And please, go easy on him. He obviously knows that it is my decision to have it or not, but I am sure it isn't easy watching your wife scream in pain. I am thinking about finding time to lay out a plan with him. But in order to do that I need a night that he is A. here and not in Madrid and B. here is no football on and C. there is no other activity planned. Those nights are almost non-existent these days.

Or I could just stop thinking and go eat some chocolate.

That sounds like a nicer, lighter activity....

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