Eleven more weeks

12:16 AM

 There is something sad about your third pregnancy (and probably the subsequent ones if you so choose to have them): you don't have time to pay attention.

  Someone the other day asked me if this baby moves a lot. I said yes and sort of jokingly rolled my eyes...but within in a split second I felt badly about it. The thing is, with Queenie, every little movement was like Heaven in my belly. Each time she kicked me I got excited at what was to come. Every time I saw a woman with a newborn I was glad to still have my baby in my belly, to still have a few more weeks to enjoy the sensation of a life being cared for and formed in my own body. Of course I was ecstatic to have my little girl in my arms, but for a day or two after her birth I looked at my belly with sadness, knowing that nothing special was going on there any more.
 
   Even with Firecracker I would sing to her and rub her little butt through my belly or teasingly push her foot back in when she tried to pop herself out of the womb. Principe made comments about how he never paid as much attention to Firecracker, but he paid A LOT of attention to her compared to this baby.
 
  I think with subsequent pregnancies you just don't have the time. Plus, there is something about it no longer being "new" that pushes it to the side.
 
  There is nothing less magical about it, it simply isn't new and you just don't pay attention to every little detail anymore.
 
   The good thing about it not being new is that you are less stressed, more carefree about it. As long as I know my cervix is closed, I don't sweat the Braxton Hicks or the small cramps or the strange pains and aches. I know that everything is fine, normal. I know what I can and cannot take for my headaches, I know what I can and cannot eat and I don't really have that looming fear of the unknown LABOR. I know what is coming; I simply need to make some choices about it....

  Perhaps part of the problem in this pregnancy is the fact that we don't know what gender the baby is. My friend is right in that once the doctor tells you what you are having it places a "face" on the baby. Or a penis or vagina, as she put it! But it does help a bit as you dream about this baby and what it is going to be like. You can place blue or pink in that dream, the games they will play as they grow, what their character will be like, etc. You can also have one name for them.

  I am the one that wanted the surprise. It is my last pregnancy and I think it would be so much fun to push out the little being and have someone tell me with a grin whether it is a boy or a girl. That daydream is tinged a bit in glamour, I know, but I still think it would be fun. But I also blame my choice a bit on us ignoring the pregnancy. It is kind of like we are in limbo, waiting for the day she or he is born and then we will start ...I don't want to say "noticing" because it isn't as bad as all that. That word certainly makes Principe and I look like terrible parents. We do feel this baby's kicks and laugh at how big he or she is....but there is still a limbo there. There is no name, there is no "face" to this baby yet. And there won't be for another 11 weeks.

  So, to combat my guilt (mama guilt is the worst!) I have started to sing to the baby. Or rather, started to try and remember to sing to the baby! Of course I don't have as much time as I used to with the other pregnancies. I have one five year old at the moment who thinks it would be more fun to be a two year old and one two year old who really needs to turn three and stop being two. Just feeding them dinner, bathing them (Ha! Some nights!) and getting them into bed takes about three hours. Phew! And I still have a pile of ironing and laundry to do to catch up from Christmas....when exactly can I sing to the baby.

  I will try to make up for my lack of fawning over this baby, but I have my doubts on my success. Life, in general, gets in the way. I am not wishing the pregnancy to be over really. It is a good pregnancy and I am enjoying the changes going on in my body, but I am at peace with it being the last one, which I guess is a good thing. And as I can almost start the Ten Week Countdown I am excited to meet the new little addition to our family. The last one who hopefully will finally look like my side of the family!

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