It is easy...2:04 AM
As an expat sometimes it is easier...
We don't get the American television, the 24 hour coverage of the tragedy.
We don't have to turn on our computers and see the horrific news.
We don't get the phone calls or the conversations at the grocery store. We don't run into family and friends on the streets who have that hallow look in their eyes.
It is easy to go on living while ignoring the atrocities that just occurred over there.
Much like most of us do when it occurs in any other country...
But you can't hide forever. Because it is your country, your people who are suffering. And even though you may not know them personally they somehow feel closer to you than those of other countries...(the right or wrong of that is for another blog post...).
Friday night I met with some other Americans. It was the first time in a while that most of us had had the opportunity to get away from the family and have some down time. We steered clear of the conversation. No one brought it up, although it was on the tip of my tongue at one point. I decided against saying anything though...was that too selfish?
I don't know. In the end even my tears over the incident won't help those families who lost someone last Friday.
My twisted heart, heavy from aching at the thought of having one less little child won't help those families. It won't even comfort them. I know, because while my nephew didn't die from a bullet he did die a painful death that left us hallow for a long time. And nothing anyone said made us feel better. Nothing anyone felt made us feel better.
As we walked to school today I held back tears but couldn't help praying a prayer of thanks for my little ones, for the tiny, warm hand in mine. I couldn't help remembering that article in the newspaper just last spring. The one that said they had evidence that the Toulouse Shooter who shot up the Jewish school this year in fact wanted to shoot up our school first.
The school my girls go to.
He decided against it.
And isn't horrible to feel grateful for that? Because that certainly isn't nice to say when Jewish families down the road are hurting. One mother lost two children and her husband. How can I be grateful?
And yet I am. I am grateful for my children. And for the protection of God over them. I believe in the protection of God, but I don't believe that everyone has it. First, you have to believe in HIM. Then you have to believe that he gives you protection. Then you have to study about that protection and learn how to access and use it. This world is not governed by God. It is governed by us and the Devil. We get to decide what we do, what we believe in.
Of course many of you could say that it is easy for me to say that, because the shooter eventually chose not to shoot up my school. And my girls were protected.
Who knows how many different things in the spiritual world happened to make that man change his mind?
It is easy to mourn from afar, even if it is just New York City. Because we have our children next to us. And while it is known to us who believe in God that those children are in heaven and feel no more pain, just like my nephew, it does little to ease the ache of those parents and loved ones of the children and adults lost this Christmas.
And there are no words to help them. Not from afar. Not from near by. Not from anyone. So I pray for a miracle of healing over them and leave it to the Almighty to work in them to help them heal, give them reassuring dreams, bring them peace,....