The blues

1:06 PM

Every time I come home from back home I get the blues.

Of course my actual real home is where my husband and children are as well as the house that holds all my stuff, but home is also my country where everything is familiar, where people actually say "hello" with meaning and greet your kids in the checkout and don't look at you funny for being in the bank drive-thru in your pjs. That is also home. Where I understand every conversation going on around me, where I can find the right kind of deodorant and where every store decorate for Christmas (even if it IS a little too early, but here they barely do anything!) and I can demand the chicken pox vaccine from my pediatrician for my child and he won't say no! (Yep, mine here doesn't want to do it. Reason? She doesn't believe in them.)

Sometimes I feel bad for my children because of the choices that Principe and I have made. Sometimes I feel bad for plain, old me for some of the choices we have made. The truth is that we like to see the world and his job is allowing us to do this just splendidly. But with that comes the hard truth: I have no idea when I will ever live back home again...or if I ever will. When I think about that after coming home I get sad. As much as I love living in Europe I am a little "over" it. Believe me it isn't as glamorous as I thought it was back in High school and the hard truth is that the older you get (and especially once you have kids) it is just more comfortable to live in your own country. To those who willingly leave their home to make a foreign country their own, I salute them. But I, quite frankly, still believe my country is the greatest and would rather live there.

Before the French get all huffy and start telling me to move back home "if that is how I feel about it" I just want to write a small disclaimer:

I really do like it here. It is just that you don't really understand this kind of "blues" unless you have been there. I think the worst thing for me is that I don't have a time limit or timeline to when I will get to go back home. Some people know that they are here only for a few years. They KNOW that they will be home within a certain amount of time, they have a house back there and a life, ...we don't. More than our extended family we have nothing there waiting for us. So, really, it will take awhile to get there and that is the hardest to deal with.

In the meantime I need to slap my own behind and get out of the funk; make the most of my life here in Toulouse, learn some more French and get with the program, because birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming and quite frankly I don't have time to have the blues! We are where we are and that is that. Time to slap a smile on my face and by happy about it!

There we go. Now I feel better! Thanks bloggy friends!

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