Do you always say no?

6:34 AM

While I was growing up I never asked my mother or stepfather for anything. Seriously. Unless it was something needed, a class I wanted to take or Christmas/birthday.

In line at the grocery store I never asked for gum or a candy bar.

At the toy store I never asked for frivolous things or toys.

While shopping for school supplies I never asked for the stuff that was pretty and two times the amount. I never asked for the Nike gym shoes and never complained that my mother thought KMart tennis shoes counted as gym shoes....

At the gas station on road trips I never asked for candy or chips or soda.

Why you ask? Mostly because I was afraid of being told no. And since I knew they were going to say no I never asked. Sometimes my little brother or sister would ask and they would get things. And even then I usually still refused to ask also. Yes, I was ridiculously shy. And I was afraid of my stepfather.

Fast forward to now and I find myself getting annoyed when my children ask for things. And then even more annoyed when their father buys it for them. The latest thing he bought was on our way to Spain. We stopped to eat and he ended up giving in to sticking two Euro coins into a machine for them to get a plastic ball with a mini pony inside. They were ecstatic. I was annoyed.

Then I looked at my Principe and saw the joy he was getting from watching his girls open their present that would take a whole two days to lose interest in. My girls were dousing him in kisses and dancing around with their ponies and I slowly realized that perhaps I was jealous.

Could it be that I was still that little girl who doesn't want to draw attention to herself.? Who is so desperately shy that she won't even ask for food while at a friends house even if her stomach is growling? Who was embarrassed is her little brother dared to ask for food while at our parent's friends' house because she thought is was not allowed? Do I really want that for my children?

Obviously the answer to that is no. I don't want my kids to be like me. And I don't want them to be so shy or so afraid that I will say no that they don't ask for a treat or water or whatever. Of course they can't have everything they ask for. And granted I am usually the one that has to say no as I don't want there to be a show down each time we run to the grocery store. But on the other hand, if they are hungry while in the grocery store or putting up with an 8 hour drive to Spain, I want them to ask for a treat. And I want to enjoy their smile when we say yes.

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