Smiling

10:12 AM

  I have always wanted to be a perky person. A couple of my friends are those type of people that just seeing them makes a smile burst upon your face and your whole mood changes because of it. They are so much fun and friendly and usually so much more ZEN than anyone else. Of course they usually love to hug and laugh and tell stories and are the life of the party. Just like most people in this world I am naturally attracted to those kind of people. Heck, my hubby is one of them!
   There was a short moment in my life when I was fun and perky. I was young and single, living in Chicago, living up my newly found freedom in being 19 and away for college. Then I went to Ireland and decided to fix myself of my problems, which took years to do. When I let out all of my emotions and my history and dealt with everything I was left with the problem of having locked all those feelings up for so long that I seemed incapable of being real. Or maybe it was just that my real personality was a bit more serious than I wished it was.
   It doesn't help changing languages mid-life. Jokes don't translate well. And humor is NOT universal. Each and every country has it's own sense of humor and type of jokes. It took me years to understand Spanish humor and be able to participate in it. Even still, anything funny that comes to my head is usually still not said correctly or I get shy and end up not saying it. So, basically, my Spanish friends don't know if I am funny or not. And with a hubby that really IS so funny I usually end up in the background.
   I wish I was someone who got excited easily. Usually my friends who are smiley and perky are people who get excited easily and show it by screaming and clapping and jumping up and down.... I don't do that. My hubby complains that I never show emotion, which isn't entirely true but I certainly don't show it like he wished I did. I am working on it. In fact I practice being excited (seriously) but when the moment comes my shyness usually overtakes me....:(
   Plus, ever since I became a mother I seem to smile less. I seem to be more stressed out. Did that happen to anyone else? For the last year or maybe more I have been working on trying to be less stressed out and smile more. Practice, practice. I haven't seen the fruits of my labor yet as usually when I think about my day as I lay in bed I find that I have not smiled half as much as I should have.
   I am not a grump, really, it is just that my relaxed face is not a smile....as much as I wish it was. Of course there are many things that make me smile. Like spending time with my friends, listening to my husband's anecdotes for the day, seeing my kids play together, listening to my girls sing or be funny, etc. Talking to my family back home makes me smile and of course getting my way always makes me smile!  But goodness, how I wish I was a smiley, perky person just naturally. What about you? Do you smile more than frown throughout the day or do you wish you smiled and laughed more? I need to learn to look at things as funny or fun instead of always seeing the other side or simply not seeing the reason to smile!

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