Apple hates me and wants me to always look like I have two small children

I have a bone to pick with Apple about them hating me so much. I am serious. They hate me. I try to take pictures of myself with my kids and because I am narcissistic like that, but I always look terrible! I look at myself in the mirror, then I look back at the picture and it is like looking at two women! One in the prime of her young 30 years and the other a sleep-deprived, wrinkly mother of two small children.

Here I am all dolled up for a wedding, but you wouldn't know it. Of course my weird eye scrunching doesn't help....

Uh, hello! Where did those smile wrinkles come from? I don't have those  unless I am on the iPhone.

This, of many that I have deleted before I decided to post this, is the only one I semi-like and it is all thanks to Instagram. 

Now, about my new idea for all those techies out there. How about a new app that makes me look like a model? Can't be too hard right? it just needs to instantly photoshop out wrinkle, eye bags and skin spots. Oh, and how about adding some boobs, too?