This baby is never going to come

12:43 AM

swear this baby is never going to come. There was a little indication that we were getting closer this past Saturday...or at least I thought it was an indication, but it turned out to be nothing. Which is good since I didn't have to make an emergency call to the in-laws and worry about all of that, but I do wish Little N would decided at some point to come out. I know, I know. She will. Blah, blah, blah. I want to know WHEN and I want it to be soon.
You should see how slowly I move these days. My left hip and lower back hurt so much I can't sit down properly or get up properly or walk well. Every once and awhile I get a shooting pain through my back and hip that keeps me from breathing, talking or thinking for a few seconds. And then there is the scyatic nerve pinching which is just annoying. Plus the pressure and the fact that she hasn't enough room to move around any more so any big movement makes me want to shout out in pain. And the contractions haven't even begun! Not the real ones anyway. The Braxton Hicks set up camp back in October.
I really thought she was goin to be a March baby. Now I'm cynical and pessimistic and am pretty sure she will come past her due date just to make me suffer a bit more.
When my MIL walked in today she told me that it seems like Little N still has quite a bit of room to settle into, that she needs to lower more before I can give birth. I almost cried. I know she is quite low already because I can feel her and yet I know that she isn't yet in the birthing canal. I'm pretty sure I'm not dilated at all either, but to HEAR someone say out loud what I dread in my heart pushed me close to the flood gates. Thankfully I'm not the kind of girl who cries in front of anyone. So I did what any normal pregnant woman in pain would do: I became defensive.
Ah, we start out the visit well.
It wasn't really that bad and I kept my smile and whatnot, but inside I was screaming. And then I told myself to calm down.
It is so interesting because this weekend I was very calm, almost upbeat about the visit, which will last about three weeks, I'm thinking. No one has told me exactly how long it will last, but I'm guess 3 weeks. Principe is excited to have them here and I am pretty sure he wants them here the entire time that he has off for his "daddy break". He has never said concretely what he wants and I haven't asked, but 3 weeks is the vibe I'm getting. It is not my ideal to have anyone in my house while dealing with the physical circumstances of recuperating from giving birth, but it is what it is.
Principe tried to convince me that it should be different with the second child, that the mother should give in a little more to the MIL with the second child but I told him that wasn't so. I asked him if he really thought our SIL was going to choose to have his parents stay with her over her own. I could say definitely not. It is just that I have no other choice. And I have made my peace.
Or so I thought.
I guess I just have all these mixed feelings. And swollen calves. Which doesn't help with the patience in-laws require. All in-laws, really. The resistance to conforming to our routine instead of having their own, the not paying attention when I am trying to show them where the oil and yogurt is, etc. That sort of thing.
But I need to let go I guess.
Or maybe not, since Little N will never be coming out and I will have a huge basketball belly for the rest of my life and I will never be able to walk properly again, nor do pilates nor stretch to the point of feeling sweet release in my calf muscles. No, I know that she will just decide to stay in and make me a freak of nature being the only woman in the world to carry a baby for 30 years. Yep, that will be me. And my in-laws will have to move in because we'll just never know when Little N will decide to come.
Oooooh. I think I just wrote a terrible pregnant woman nightmare......

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